A good evening to one and all.
This will be my final post. I'm gonna move blog. I will have to decide which, but that's not important now. It's apt to shift to my next phase as I previously mentioned- godspeed.
This is also apt as a final post, a eulogy of sorts to my beloved team mate Thaddaeus.
Today was his final day on Earth.
Even as I'm typing this, I can't believe it. It's seriously so unrealistic and unbelievable. He was a healthy, fine young man as many knew him. I'm seriously wondering why this happened, though I do not blame God. Humans can't possibly fathom the reason for such things and God is sovereign.
I do feel sad though, for terribly will I miss him and right now, I feel like crying again. I'm sure many of you know I'm not the crying sort of person, but this is one time I cried. I received the call from Caijing after Divya messaged me, asking me "Have you heard?". I immediately felt a sort of shock. I had a terrible feeling. I knew something was amiss. Even still, I wasn't prepared for what followed. Caijing called to say that Thaddaeus passed away on his way to the hospital after collapsing during the run segment of the SEA Games Triathlon trial this morning.
I am doing what I have found myself doing ever since that fateful call this afternoon. I am recalling the last time I spent with him. I truly thank God I decided to go the Bishan library to study and spend time with him on Friday after training. We had such a fun time. It was on that day I had just decided to put in an active effort to know him, since I realised that he could relate to me and felt comfortable sharing with me. It's too late now. I just realised something 15 mins ago as I was typing this post. I realise that as he was getting his massage from Alvin, I wanted to try giving him a massage as he said it didn't hurt. I said, "nevermind la, I'll do it next week", which now, the next week is coming, but he will not be around anymore.
I totally cried in church after realising I wil never ever see him again, save for the wake, which I definitely will attend. Seriously, it's a tragedy. He was always laughing and loving life. He was a patient guy and trained hard. I'll truly miss him.
One thing I thank God is that he was a Christian and that one day, one fine day I'll see him again. As a friend, I wanna make him proud. I think that in his passing, he has given me a gift- a gift only something this colossal could. He has given me, in a non-blaspheming way, the gift of life. More aptly put, by his passing, he has allowed me to rethink how I want to spend my life. He has let me see life new again. Thadd, if you're reading this wherever you are, I truly thank you for being the wonderful team mate you were and friend you were, really.
Man, I seriously am gonna miss him. I'm sorry I'm rambling and this post is totally unorganised, but I can't help it. I'm recalling now that last dinner I had with him. I don't regret that I was late for cell that day. I spent it with him, while he was waiting for his bro to be done running. As I ate and we talked, we truly enjoyed ourselves. I'll never forget his words to me that day. We were talking about girls and life and comparing this and that. I was telling him how people complained I have high standards and he was like "Actually I can totally see you making yourself famous and then finding yourself a model for a girlfriend." The funny guy. Even then, God was using him to be a blessing to me, to remind me of my dream God gave me.
Seriously, all this just makes one think of death and the power of death and the power of life. I truly believe that there is life in death and that through his passing Thaddaeus is being a blessing to us and once again, I truly thank him.
Reading Caijing's post-cum-eulogy of sorts, I remember after he collapsed at the Nationals for biathlon while he was winning by a stretch, that there might be a problem, since he collapsed and was unconscious for quite a while... It's too late now. It's too late.
Thadd, God bless your soul and I'll be praying for your family. Bless your heart.
Thadd, this one's for you.
This will be my final post. I'm gonna move blog. I will have to decide which, but that's not important now. It's apt to shift to my next phase as I previously mentioned- godspeed.
This is also apt as a final post, a eulogy of sorts to my beloved team mate Thaddaeus.
Today was his final day on Earth.
Even as I'm typing this, I can't believe it. It's seriously so unrealistic and unbelievable. He was a healthy, fine young man as many knew him. I'm seriously wondering why this happened, though I do not blame God. Humans can't possibly fathom the reason for such things and God is sovereign.
I do feel sad though, for terribly will I miss him and right now, I feel like crying again. I'm sure many of you know I'm not the crying sort of person, but this is one time I cried. I received the call from Caijing after Divya messaged me, asking me "Have you heard?". I immediately felt a sort of shock. I had a terrible feeling. I knew something was amiss. Even still, I wasn't prepared for what followed. Caijing called to say that Thaddaeus passed away on his way to the hospital after collapsing during the run segment of the SEA Games Triathlon trial this morning.
I am doing what I have found myself doing ever since that fateful call this afternoon. I am recalling the last time I spent with him. I truly thank God I decided to go the Bishan library to study and spend time with him on Friday after training. We had such a fun time. It was on that day I had just decided to put in an active effort to know him, since I realised that he could relate to me and felt comfortable sharing with me. It's too late now. I just realised something 15 mins ago as I was typing this post. I realise that as he was getting his massage from Alvin, I wanted to try giving him a massage as he said it didn't hurt. I said, "nevermind la, I'll do it next week", which now, the next week is coming, but he will not be around anymore.
I totally cried in church after realising I wil never ever see him again, save for the wake, which I definitely will attend. Seriously, it's a tragedy. He was always laughing and loving life. He was a patient guy and trained hard. I'll truly miss him.
One thing I thank God is that he was a Christian and that one day, one fine day I'll see him again. As a friend, I wanna make him proud. I think that in his passing, he has given me a gift- a gift only something this colossal could. He has given me, in a non-blaspheming way, the gift of life. More aptly put, by his passing, he has allowed me to rethink how I want to spend my life. He has let me see life new again. Thadd, if you're reading this wherever you are, I truly thank you for being the wonderful team mate you were and friend you were, really.
Man, I seriously am gonna miss him. I'm sorry I'm rambling and this post is totally unorganised, but I can't help it. I'm recalling now that last dinner I had with him. I don't regret that I was late for cell that day. I spent it with him, while he was waiting for his bro to be done running. As I ate and we talked, we truly enjoyed ourselves. I'll never forget his words to me that day. We were talking about girls and life and comparing this and that. I was telling him how people complained I have high standards and he was like "Actually I can totally see you making yourself famous and then finding yourself a model for a girlfriend." The funny guy. Even then, God was using him to be a blessing to me, to remind me of my dream God gave me.
Seriously, all this just makes one think of death and the power of death and the power of life. I truly believe that there is life in death and that through his passing Thaddaeus is being a blessing to us and once again, I truly thank him.
Reading Caijing's post-cum-eulogy of sorts, I remember after he collapsed at the Nationals for biathlon while he was winning by a stretch, that there might be a problem, since he collapsed and was unconscious for quite a while... It's too late now. It's too late.
Thadd, God bless your soul and I'll be praying for your family. Bless your heart.
Thadd, this one's for you.
In Loving Memory by Alter Bridge
Thanks for all you’ve done
I’ve missed you for so long
I can’t believe you’re gone and
You still live in me
I feel you in the wind
You guide me constantly
I’ve never knew what it was
To be alone...no
Cause you were always
There for me
You were always home waiting
But now I come home
And I miss your face so
Smiling down on me
I close my eyes to see
And I know
You’re a part of me
And it’s your song
That sets me free
I sing it while
I feel I can’t hold on
I sing tonight
'Cause it comforts me
I carry the things
That remind me of you
In loving memory of
The one that was so true
You were as kind as you could be
And even though you’re gone
You still mean the world to me
I’ve never knew what it was
To be alone...no
Cause you were always
There for me
You were always home waiting
But now I
Come home and it's not the same no
It feels empty and alone
I just can't believe you're gone
And I know
You’re a part of me
And it’s your song
That sets me free
I sing it while
I feel I can’t hold on
I sing tonight
'Cause it comforts me
I’m glad He set you free from sorrow
But I’ll still love you more tomorrow
And you will be here
With me still
All you did you did with feeling
And you always found a meaning
And you always will
And you always will
And you always will
And I know
You’re a part of me
And it’s your song
That sets me free
I sing it while
I feel I can’t hold on
I sing tonight
'Cause it comforts me
"Call unto Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know." -Jeremiah 33:3
Thadd's in the last row. Third from the left.
One day, I'll write a song for you and I make sure the world will know it.
In loving memory of Thadd.
1990-2007
A true brother-in-Christ.
Yours was a life too short, but your memory and influence will live on long in our hearts always.
We love you and miss you.
You have inspired to push on and give my best.
I'll see you when I get there.
Meanwhile, do us all a fave and say hello to the Big Man Up There, will ya pal? =* )
Labels: Death, Eulogy, Farewell, Final Post, Friend, I'll miss you, In Loving Memory, Team mate, Thaddaeus
mr epiphone tried to solo again
Alright! It's time for a chronicling of what's been up lately. I don't like my previous post and what better to replace it than a post on the Anberlin concert on Sunday?! Whoo! I (actually my dad) paid 60 bucks to let me go watch them. They were the last band featured that night but darn it was worth the wait. They played The Feel Good Drag, Never Take Friendship Personal, Paperthin Hymn, Godspeed (which btw is the name I feel like getting for my next blog. or rather, have felt like for ages. it is also the second phase in life to me. My life, I have decided will be categorised into three phases-Godbreathed, Godspeed and then Godsent. Yea.3G. lol.) Anyway, they played Hello Alone too. Can't remember what else though. Hmmm. Anyway, I was crazy enough to go for their acoustic set the next night too. They're good alright. They have a good stage presence. Even in their acoustic set I though they did better than Copland, another big name indie band. Indie cos they're relatively unknown too, though bigger than Anberlin I think. Anyway, -ooh, The Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin's playing now on my playlist. I bought their latest album. heh.- Where was I. Oh, before I go on, they played this at their acoustic set. Ok, as I was gonna say, Copland's singer has quite a good voice. They have a few nice songs too. I still maintain that Anberlin is better, for now at least. I found out from Seema today that she was there too and Narpal too apparently. Didn't see them. They were in the front. Oh well. Had quite a blast. I wonder what it's like playing on stage man. I have to find out for myself sometime. Have to get good first.A rather joyous post, eh?*+_)
I'll finish up with lyrics from Godspeed by Anberlin
Burning down neverland.
Scatter the ashes, white lines.
Black tar, the matches is this another death by misdaventure.
Tell me what you got.
What you really got.
We'll rest in our graves.
Lexington course your veins.
Sleepers can't just wake the dead.
When needles and lovers collapse on guilty beds.
Fall asleep.
Don't fall asleep.
They lied when they said "The good die young."
Stay with me tonight.
Burning down the bridges now.
Scatter the ashes.
Godspeed to all you're after.
Is this a lie just to remember?
Tell them who you were.
Who you really were.
Kill yourself over time.
Fashion statement suicide.
She's still asleep in a Chelsea hotel.
Bad turns to worse, and the worst turns into Hell.
Fall asleep.
Don't fall asleep.
God save the eyes that dim tonight.
They lied when they said "The good die young."
Stay with me tonight.
alright. that's it.
night!
Labels: Anberlin, Concert, Music
mr epiphone tried to solo again
I'm taking a short while to update.
It's nothing about what happened today. It's just stuff that I find has been happening in general.
Actually, I think I'll just blab.
I've heard many things recently, some which hurt I guess. Iguess some are true. One of them is that the way I treat friendships is like I'm playing. It says that people are sensitive, especially girls. This means that when I talk to people, build rapport with them and develop a friendship, we become better friends. However, I do have other friends too. The problem is that I leave people hanging. I leave them at the point where they feel close to me and then suddenly find themselves nowhere as friends. I'm now wondering that point. Does that mean that if I stop talking to them that I just don't care? When will it be that I have shown I bother? Do I need to show it constantly? I don't think so, right. Maybe Aaron's right. If I spend much time with someone, it creates a dependence. So when is the time to draw a line? What if the person needs help? Once the problem is solved, another needs help and it's time to move on right? It sounds utilitarian, but it is true, no? The latter needs friendship time too. I don't know. I think that people just don't believe I treasure all my friends. That just lead me to the other thing I've heard. I'm a player. It's something that sucks man. I don't know la. I don't feel like talking about it, but not talking about it won't make it go away. I've coped many times by ignoring it, but still... Why should I be considered a player? Simply because I talk to someone? Or I can be open with people? Or because the people I talk to are attractive (even this is relative)? Why? If I can't be a friend to someone, I can't be a blessing to them, can I? When I do befriend someone, don't they know that it means 10 years down the road they can look for me when they need help? When I befriend someone, I do my best to try and expect nothing back, as much as it is human nature to still do. I don't claim to have achieved real selflessness, but what's to stop me from trying? What will? Perhaps all this sort of talk that I don't bother or that I couldn't give two nothings about people, when people are everything to me? Sigh. Another thing I don't get. Why do people suddenly decide to stop talking to me when they've been talking to me alright? Do I scare people? I have a theory. See, I'm a relatively open person. I can share things with people. It does not mean they will share it in return, but I do not ask they do. I just share it because I trust them with the information or what-have-you. I'm not trying to prod information out of others. I talk to people because I think they will make good friends. Why is it then that people seem to think I have some ulterior motive? Do I have a reputation that exceeds me and says that I do? What would I stand to gain?
Some say I think too much, which I agree to sometimes, but I bet I'm not wrong when I say people look at me. I don't know why. I meet their eyes and they don't go 'Hi' or anything. They immediately look away. Do I intimidate people or something? Sheesh. I think too much? Sometimes I think others don't think enough. If at all too.
Argh. Okayokay. I shall stop. I'm getting frustrated again, simply because I don't get all this. Righty then, I shall trudge on. A blessing I shall still try to be, as God has called me and told me to be.
"If you can't hear me, it does not mean I'm not talking."
Labels: Annoyance, Blessing, Frustration
mr epiphone tried to solo again
I'm redoing this post. It was super messy. Yea.
Alright. First and foremost,
Congrats to ALL RPROJECT MODELS, ORGANISERS, CREW as well as our choreographer, Rafal! Think we did a great job and that the show was good. A shout-out to the people in my group, Fury. Yea. Think we did wonderful. I'm also glad for RProject. I made many new friends, so it's cool. Sigh. Too bad I didn't get a photo with Nicky or Laura in the end. Darn. At least I had a wonderful experience (like learning new things and playing the silly "ti titi ti ti ti ti" game and making a ringtone of it).
Oh well, now to on to another person. Sophia, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! yea. You're eighteen! Walk close to God and keep your eyes set on Him.
Cheers.
For today's stuff... I woke up and the first thing was "Freak. I'm late for training." So I called Quek and ended doing an hour run on the school field. BORING, man. Anyway, then after that Mr Guy came over for a massage talk. Boy oh boy, now I'm aching in the quads. Aching like I've never ever ached before. Seriously. Anyway, I think perhaps now I know why people like the DS trainer. I'm considering getting them. I'm broke though. Hmmm... thinking of wearing light shoes only reminds me of an age ago where I wore light shoes. Didn't wear trainers. Looks like it's right. For flat-foot people like me, that's good. Plus my condition's weird. I strike on the outside foot but overpronate, not supernate like I believed. Yea. Mr Guy recommended some exercises too. The pronation since birth is why my legs ache like mad after the massage, since the outside of my legs work the most. For me, the energy I generate is dispersed into the ground instead of my nest step, so I've been working to keep myself moving. Cool. It's time my running takes some power and speed. I've been real slow so far.
Kk. I get longwinded (man I forgot for a while and was like "i get so windy" o.O). I shall stop here. I gotta go prepare to go for Grace's concert. Bye!
Labels: Experience, Happy Birthday, Lesson, Modelling, New Friends, RProject, Training
mr epiphone tried to solo again
Hey all! Just a short update. Yep. Firstly, congrats to Ryan, for his role in playing the Timpani, getting Gold. I believe its for Band. That's where I recall seeing the Timpani. Yea. Ok. It's not Gold with Honours, but many many kudos to the dude. First time touching the instrument man. Yea! 3 days practise. How cool.
A shoutout to Caijing and Steph, to always always remember that God's plans are perfect and to be humble and accept the situation's outcome in humility. Do your best, both of you.
Let's do some publicity for RProject since apparently it's suffering sad sales.RProject is a charity-cum-fashion show event. Dove Self-Esteem Fund and its beneficiary SingHealth Foundation, which provides programmes for children and teenagers to better educate them, for example, on eating disorders. That is the beneficiary. There will be stalls selling items as well, so do bring cash. I'm sure something nice for yourselves can be found. I'll be participating in this event, doing modelling. Ha. For those who are thinking "Err... Eww..." then I say "Yea, God bless you too" in all sincerity (I know it sounds insincere, but it isn't) and also that this year's theme celebrates real beauty. Ha. Like you know, not so much outer appearances. Lol. Oh, yea. There will be some designs that are original to RJ students. Steph is one of them. Ha.
Tickets are going for $5, $7 and $10, with the $10 one coming with a goodie bag and obviously, good seats. The goody bag is sponsored by a few companies and brands, most notably Hugo Boss. Please support. Thanks.
Oh and on a separate, self-praising point, the models had to attend this crash course on walking down the thingum. The guy, Rafal, who's from Poland is freaking professional man. He's no small time. He's done Miss Singapore World (he said he didn't do Miss Singapore Universe. his friend does that. like lol?) and he made mention of having helped out in Manhunt International. cool man. He's hilarious too. "Don't mind my criticisms. If I say you're walk like a cow, it doesn't mean that you are a cow, you just walk like one." Joker. The self-praising point is this. When it was the guys turn to like try, Sam and I had to go one of the first, cos we had training. Walked forward together and turned in sync. Ha. Not bad man. Evoked an unanimous "Wahhh" from those present. Lol. We're lik professional noobs. Ha. Kk. Self-indulgent moment's over.
Night!
Oh wait. Sorry. PS: Please please pray for me. I feel very drained nowadays and quite far from God (even though I know He's not far from me). I need discipline man. Please pray that the pain in my right calf is nothing serious (it could very well be a muscle tear) and that my breathlessness goes away. Thanks.
Labels: Modelling, RProject, Self-praise, Track and Field
mr epiphone tried to solo again
Alright. I'm here to say that man.... everything's getting annoying on me nowadays, though I don't react to it. Not pissing, but like 'what on earth' kinda thing. People are getting all weird on me, acting different from the normally are. Wait, now come to think of it, doesn't that make the probability that I've changed more likely, since everyone's seemingly different? hmmm...
Anyway, I'm feeling slightly ticked off... Ok. Ticke off sounds strong. Frustrated is better, anyway. Frustrated that I can't get my work done, when I want to. My literature seems in one of its lows. I notice that for lit, it has like booms and troughs, like a sine or cosine graph. It's at a low now; Pride and Prejudice is really annoying me (which is really weird, because I enjoy reading it...) I never really got Othello in the first place. Wilfred Own seems the most understandable. Sheesh. Maths seems to be improving, which naturally, is great; however, tomorrow's a test and I'm darn worried, because I want it to be alright, but I don't feel like it is gonna be. Sigh. Anyway, back to lit. I noticed this is sec 3-4, since I was doing well then for a while hovered around b3-4 grades before reverting to my A1-2 grades. When I first came to RJ, for first tests I got B then its been at a B. I pray I get A for As. Seriously. For like everything, though it's slightly hard to see, especially when I 'haven't got' the subjects I'm studying. You know, like there's this period when you like "oh... chey... it's like that...."? Yea. Basically, I'm not there yet. Argh. Sometimes I really feel like giving up.
Sigh. It's hard.
Nevermind. Sermon today teaches some sort of perserverance through prayer. I'll try.
Sermon points:
I. Priority of Prayer
II. Power of Prayer
III. Perseverance of Prayer
Right.... 25 weeks to Prelims or something. That's what I heard someone say. I don't bother to count. Maybe I should.... Each week just starts kinda somewhat draggy but yet not and then the next day and the next and soon the week is over. Man. 2 weeks time after this week is hols. Then after that, CTs. Man. During hols, I better live, breathe and sleep God, training, studies.
I...
am...
frustrated.
ps: don't go "No, you're Wen Loong..." (even if you're as lame as me). I'm not in the mood for it.
Labels: Frustration, Studies
mr epiphone tried to solo again
Hey there, y'all! This is just to commemorate the launch of Spiderman 3, which I'll be watching in a few hours. Yep. It looks good and should be good. The Spiderman series is the best of all the comic-turned-movie series and this one doesn't look like it'll disappoint. Yep.
After I watch I might post a lil something on it, but here's something cute to watch, that's obviously related to Spiderman. The music video of 'Signal Fire' by Snow Patrol.
Signal Fire by Snow Patrol
The perfect words never crossed my mind
'Cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me, screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me
All I wanted, just sped right past me
But I was rooted fast to the earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out
There you are, standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away, you leave me naked
Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety
No, I don't wanna wait forever (x2)
In the confusion, and the aftermath
You are my signal fire
The only resolution and the only joy
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes
There you are, standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away, you leave me naked
Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety
There you are, standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away, you leave me naked
Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety
No, I don't wanna wait forever (x3)
The perfect words never crossed my mind
'Cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me, screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me
All I wanted, just sped right past me
But I was rooted fast to the earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out
There you are, standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away, you leave me naked
Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety
No, I don't wanna wait forever (x2)
In the confusion, and the aftermath
You are my signal fire
The only resolution and the only joy
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes
There you are, standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away, you leave me naked
Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety
There you are, standing right in front of me (x2)
All this fear falls away, you leave me naked
Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety
No, I don't wanna wait forever (x3)
There. Yep. The kids are so cute. Ha. Lol. Not a paedo, but yea.
Cheers.
Labels: Movie, Music Video, Spiderman
mr epiphone tried to solo again
